since losing weight sucks

And it's not going so well. I think I might make this a regular blog. I will still post weight loss info, but not just that. Myspace is really getting old for me. So I may move my blog over here eventually. For a while I will probably do dual posts.

Today has been a not so great day. I have had horrible anxiety and just a bad feeling all day long. I drank ALOT of caffeine today. I don't know if that has anything to do with it, but I just feel yucky. I did go shopping for a new outfit for Sarah and Josh's wedding. It is really cute! It was also half price. I LOVE KOHLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really really do. I could totally do some damage in that store if I'm not careful! I will be going back there pretty soon because they had winter coats half off. Both of my boys need winter coats, and they had some cute ones! I am trying to decide what I want to do with my hair. I was going to go bleach blonde with some pink tips (no I am not trying to be punk, I just think it's WAY cute!) But then today, I saw a picture of Avril Lavigne (sp?) and her hair was blonde with a little pink in it. So, I decided I didn't want that anymore. I'm weird, I know. I'm really wanting something new, I just don't know what. I may end up going a little darker for winter, and then may do the blonde/pink thing in the summer. I don't know, I'm just tired of my hair right now.

Dr. Apt tomorrow

I have been having some issues that sound a lot like I might have thyroid problems. I am going tomorrow to get it checked out. Hopefully they will figure it out, and I will not be so tired all the time, and maybe losing weight will be easier.

Grilled Chicken anyone

I met Joy at Arby's today for lunch. I was pretty much stressed about it last night and today. Just because I was thinking WHAT CAN I EAT THERE?!?!?!?!?!? So I got there and got grilled chicken sandwich with no mayo, and added some arby sauce to it. It wasn't terrible. Usually I HATE grilled chicken at fast food places, but this was tolerable. I didn't have anything else besides a drink. I can't wait for that scale to start showing some progress because I feel like I am doing really well.

Kill the TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am hungry. Really hungry, but it's bed time and I am trying not to eat anything. Well, I am flipping thru the channels, and there is a show about the best BBQ in the country. I was literally drooling. It looked SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good!!! And KC even made the show as the best. Now I want...........

I measured my waist.................................

And it was TWO inches smaller than the last time I measured it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!! I didn't really measure anything else because I was in a hurry, but how cool is that!? I really feel that I am back on track. I really need to get to the gym more.

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels....

I need to remember this tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!! I am doing a home and garden party for a lady, and she is making yummy food!!! I can't blow it tomorrow, the past few days I have done awesome! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Down and out

I haven't written in a while. Mostly because the past few weeks, I have pretty much sucked. But, that's OK. I think I have gotten back on track now. :) I just want to stop thinking about it all the time. That is draining. Really draining. It seems that I spend (waste) a lot of time thinking, worrying, and obsessing about my weight, and dieting. I really feel that it is starting to interfere with other parts of my life, and I am tired of it. So I decided that I either just need to lose the weight, or stop worrying about it. And I think losing weight would be easier than not thinking about this crap all the time. I have also decided to do a food makeover for all of my family. This way, I am not always eating something different than everyone else. I will just cook better for everyone, and that will make it easier for me, and better for everyone. :) Hopefully, that will work.

Jumping back on the wagon

Well, the "bad" time of the month threw EVERYTHING off. It does that all the time and I don't know how to stop it. But tomorrow is a new day, so we will start fresh.

stupid lady issues

I HATE THIS TIME OF THE MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have absolutely NO control over my eating. My head is saying STOP, but it's like I can't. What the heck? Is this normal? I have been doing so well too. Today SHOULD be the last day of this madness tho, I hope. It's really pretty crazy. I am making something yummy tho that is on core for dinner, so I should be good there. I just feel so fat on these days anyway, then adding the eating everything in site doesn't help things at all!!!!!!! wwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I am, me

Well, I have roughly 2 weeks to lose 4 more pounds for my first goal. Pretty sure I can do it. However, if I don't, that's ok too. Dieting is hard for me. I don't know what the problem is. Well, I do I guess. I like to eat, and I don't like to be hungry. I am having a little bit of trouble staying on track when cooking for the rest of my family. I know I should have will power, but, lets face it, if I had will power, I wouldn't need to lose weight. :) I am slowly becoming more accepting of who I am and things that make me, me. I need to realize that I am a curvy girl, and that is ok. I was a size 4 once in my life. I was a junior in high school and everyone thought I was anorexic. I was on the verge, but not completely. I was a size 4. I thought I was fat. My friends and family however, were ready to check me into a hospital for eating disorder. That was not a fun part of my life. Looking back I realize that yes, there is such thing as "too skinny". Not that there is any fear of that happening again. But I know now how dumb I was. I just blame it on being 17 and being stupid. :) I need to enjoy the great things in my life, and stop worrying about the little things.

Like a rock, or an idiot

Long story short, our family went to Taco Bueno today, which by the way, is my favorite place ever right now. All I ordered was a tea, and sat there and watched everyone else eat. It was hell. I was soooo hungry, but nothing there would have been ok to eat. But I made it thru.

I'm cool like that!

I decided to take the kids to Wendy's because, well, I took a nap and woke up late. I was STARVING. I just had an omelet and a peach today. So I was racking my brain deciding what I should eat. I decided I would get the grilled chicken and a potato, and bring my own ff butter, sour cream, and mayo. It was slightly embarrassing bringing my own little containers in, but it's ok. Also, they have Coke zero now. WOOHOO!!! I know still that the chicken wasn't the best for me, but it is alot better than what I usually get, which is the crispy chicken and french fries. So, I did good. :)

Small set back, but no biggie

My cousin and her kiddos came over today. We went to Famous Dave's for lunch. Big misteak, but what do you do? I did pretty well I guess. I did eat a cornbread muffin and french fries (theirs are my favorite in the whole world). I got a brisket sandwich, but only had a bite of the brisket and ended up bringing it home to hubby. I ordered tea instead of soda, which I never do. I did have alot of guilt afterwards, but I'm over it and ready to get back on the bus, or whatever. We also had the dinner at church tonight. All I ate there was some taco salad stuff that I absolutely love. BUT get this, I didn't eat ANY dessert! That is a major thing for me. They had a lot and it sure looked yummy, but I stayed strong and thought about being a hot mama!!! I am also pretty proud of myself because I am super stressed out right now and haven't once turned to food to help me thru, another thing that is not like me. I'm doing good and I love it!

I am now 15 pounds down from my heaviest after I was pregnant. Not bad. It will be better. :)

Be proud of me

I made spaghetti, my favorite, tonight. I didn't even have one bite! I am proud of myself. I am done cheating. I had broccoli with fat free cheese, and a peach for dinner. I will break down my day.

BREAKFAST
omelet with onion, green pepper, ff sour cream, and ff cheese.

Lunch
I ate the left over "diet" spaghetti (which isn't the best by the way, but it is eatable)

Dinner
Broccoli with cheese and a peach.

I am surprisingly not really hungry. I will have the other half of the smoothie I made last night a bit later tho. :)

And on an even better note. Tommy tried blueberries and cherries for the first time, and loved them. Trent also loved them. He even said that they were sweet like candy, but better cause they are good for you. :)

The new me :)

Ok, so yesterday I started the Weight Watchers core program. So far, I LOVE it. I have tried points in the past, but, I really don't like it. I did awesome yesterday. The only thing I had that wasn't on the "free" list was 1 piece of bread. But, I will just count that towards my week point total. I am really feeling good about this. Usually, I dread even thinking about being on a diet, but this one seems to be working for me. I get to eat. Granted, I had to cut alot of stuff out that I love, but I still get alot of other stuff that is healthy for me. I think this is going to be good for me. I have decided that I am going to erase all my previous posts and start this blog new. Alot of my older posts are very negative, and I'm not doing that this time. I am feeling good about this and I am going to do it. That is just it. I'm tired of hating what I look like. I have a husband who thinks I look great so why be so hard on myself. :)

As far as exercise goes, it's going pretty well. I went yesterday and today. I think that I am almost comfortable with myself that I could go alone if the need be, although I prefer to go with Shannon. She knows more about what and how to do things. Plus I get friend time to laugh, so that makes me happy.

Tomorrow is our Wednesday night family night at church kickoff BBQ. I am a little worried about going because people always bring yummy stuff, like cookies, but I will just have to be strong and stick with this, because I am going to lose weight this time!